hard to trust

Hi-yeom! Its me :)
What's up?

Aaaah 2012 will be officially end soon!
I don't know, but for sure I'm thankful for everything happened on this year.
The year I'd finally tried to start dance class again, where it belongs to one of my passions.
The year that my long-awaited-dream came true.
The year that HAD a LOT of spectacles!

I'm thankful that I could stand still here to continue my life.
I really mean it, GOD. I love you.

Oh btw, udah pernah cerita tentang nomer asing?
Yep, kemaren nambah satu nomer lagi (ketiga kalinya) ngehubungin gue.
Dia telvon, tetapi sama kayak kemaren cuma diem aja.
You're right, I'm curious.

Jadi setelah itu, minta bantuan ka icha buat misscall ke nomer itu.
Ka icha bilang yg ngangkat telvon suara Ibu dengan logat jawa yang medok.
I'm not believing it. Karena waktu nomer kedua, yg ngangkat telvon masih muda, dan cewe.(Around 20's maybe)
Sms lah ke itu nomer,
Dari ketikannya, gue yakin itu cowo

Jadi karena masih ga bisa percaya kalo yg punya nomer itu cewe/ibu2, gue yg telvon.
Diangkat... Suaranya fix laki2

Me: halo.. Maaf ini siapa ya?
X: hm? Ini siapa? Ini alvin *sambil ketawa ringan*
Me: oh Alvin.. Iyan nya ada?
X: iyannya ga ada tuh

I don't know.
My brain couldn't think anyone else except him.
Nuy bilang, iya itu dia kok. Cuma kalo penasaran tanya aja ada perlu apa

Then I've sent one msg
Me: "kalo ada perlu kasihtau aja, kali ada yg bisa dibantu."
X: "aku mau game"

Ah ga ngerti apa maunya,
Yang jelas ga enak di teror kayak gitu :(
Misalkan orang itu adalah satu nama yg gue pikirin, kenapa ga berani buat ngungkap dia siapa?

Even if its him, why its hard to trust that it was actually really him?
What's wrong? :(

hi there!

Hi-yeom! What's up? :)
Jadi ceritanya Desember udah mau habis nih.hihihi
Suka-atau-ngga nya di bulan ini, itu relatif.
Mungkin karena hujan, let's say I love it!

It doesn't matter to me anyways. LOL
Oh, I really am curious about something..
Jadi belakangan ini, ada 2 nomer asing yang telvon ke hp. Don't asked me who, because I don't know it either.
Lebih tepatnya, menunggu untuk tau itu siapa.
Entah itu siapa
Entah itu alasan kenapa dia bisa tau
Entah itu alasan ada apa

Berawal dari hari Jumat kemaren,
Dimana semua orang ramai (well, media sih) dan ribut karena ramalan mau kiamat.. I went to PIM with nuy

Then got stuck, YES its superduper WORST Trafic jam ever!!!!!
Someone called me.
Gue kira, itu adalah dosen yang membawa berita bahwa gue kurang nilai tugas, atau pak supir taksi yg mau jemput (atas permintaan) tp ga ada respon,
Jadi itu bukan orang yang gue kenal.satupun.

Dia telvon, misscall tepatnya
Tapi dia diem, dan samar-samar bilang "diangkat, diangkat"
Dan tut...tut...tut putus sodara2 -____-"
I've sent texted, "ini siapa?"
No replied.

Di telvon balikpun, ga diangkat..
Nuy said that it was him. Mindblowing fact that I did thought it was really him.
But I've ignored it, denied to myself it wasn't him.

Kemaren, satu nomer baru masuk lagi...
Dia telvon, tapi ga bersuara..
Berhubung lagi pules tidur, yaudalah diemin aja.

I've just wondered, "ada apa?"
Mungkin, lebih baik diemin aja sampai dia bosen.
Mungkin, lebih baik nunggu sampai dia yakin beneran mau ngomong..

Well, siapapun itu... I'm still waiting what's next.

X-letter

Dear you,
You've realized that I'm looking at you.
You knew it, didn't you? I wondered.
From my pov, you've watched me back.
you're finding more infos about me.
And try to learn about my world.
Or I'm just simply an idiot that hanging my daydream onto you.
I'm sorry

However, you don't hate me. At least for now.
feels like I'm a fool to you.
Aaaah~

Sorry, that's the word that I really wanted to say.
I know that I'm not capable to be with you.
I'm not brave, or strong, or smart. And I'm not beautiful at all.

I just wanted to see you,
hear your voice,
and miss your smile.

What can I do?
I'm scared that someday you'll find me and make you disappointed. 
I'm scared that someday, you'll just ignored me.
I'm scared that someday my feeling is grow stronger.
moreover, you'll be dissapointed.
After that, you'll hate me.
And just walk away, and forget me.

Love, Relationship, Marriage, Faith.

Hooobaa!
What's up? Hope you guys doing good. Keke
Sooo, um. Actually I have to study hard for tomorrow test, but I prefer to post something to this blog. #eluselusblog #pelukcium
Eventhough I have a good-kind-hearted lecture that could guarantee my midterm score.haha *okay I will study sir, later :p*

So here we go
Jadi belakangan saya sering melihat, mendengar, dan mengalami keluhan beberapa orang yang mungkin bisa dibilang "sick of love" am I right?
I honestly have the same thoughts like what they did, perhaps. But somehow it doesn't take longer. We don't need any theories based on it.
None of us were born to be perfect.

Frankly about love, YES indeed it could change everything.
We do have love, but as time goes by, the love it self is actually decreasing or increasing.
It depends on how we used it in the right place.
Question: what kind of love or what's your purpose in your love life?
Kalo jaman sd-smp-sma basi banget diliat. Karena waktu nanti manusia itu pada gede, pasti cara pandangnya bakal lebih rumit.

Ada yang punya history about love yang dibilang kece. Ada juga yang mungkin dibilang sama-sama dingin, tapi mereka romantis dengan cara mereka sendiri. Ada yang hampir seluruh aspek kehidupan mereka, mereka saling mengisi satu sama lain.Ada yang mungkin nyaris ga ada kabar, tapi kalo tau detail ceritanya itu indah banget, tapi ada juga yang kemakan sama 'indah'nya cinta sampe dia ngerusak kehidupannya sendiri, ada juga yang jadi lebih panikan waktu dikecewain sama cinta.well oh well, itulah realita.

Saya pribadi, untuk sekarang mungkin lebih prefer menjauh dari kenyataan itu.Doesn't mean I'm a coward. Cuma sekarang lebih belajar hati-hati kedepannya.
Mungkin, pada dasarnya semua manusia sama.
Mungkin juga, pada dasarnya pria lebih gampang mencari dan mendapatkan apa yang mereka mau dan lupa bersyukur dan mempertahankan apa yang sudah mereka miliki,
Mungkin juga, wanita yang memiliki pengalaman buruk yang punya sifat sirik mudah merebut kebahagiaan wanita polos lainnya yang akhirnya tersakiti atau bisa disebut pembalasan/pelampiasan belaka.
Tapi memang ada juga sih yang wanita nakal yang memang hanya ingin bersenang-senang dan hanya sekedar mendapat uang agar hidup lebih layak.

Pada dasarnya itu cuma narasi dari GOD's plan.
It does take a lot of our efforts to get the key of happiness.GOD's door.
Somehow, in our daily hectic routines GOD sent us someone that will help us intensely, and take a good care of us. Yes its our soulmate.
We just decide whoever might be the best for us.
I do believe in faith. Because Allah won't broke HIS promises to make us happy, right?

For me, I don't think I have to find immediately for my future husband. I'm sure 85%
I want to focus and reach my dream first.
I want to make everyone one happy, my family proud of me, so they dont have to worry about me.
I do have family that would give me unlimited supports.
I do have someone that I could lean on, and point out my weakness.(If you asked me who, its definitely my devil-like coach, and someone who has the ability of sixsense)
I do have bestfriend to make me realize I'm not that weak. I just have to be stronger, so they would do the same, and worried-less.
I do imagine about my marriage.
I do imagine who will be my only one.
As long as its suits me and make me be more grateful, I will do my best in everything.

I do believe GOD will send me the best gift for my life. Eventhough to be alive is actually already the best gift.
So I'm really thankful for it :)

I just need to be patient and I know that Allah want me to put some efforts first. So I could see the whole world wisely.
Because up until now, I'd never do something perfectly. Just an half from my determination.almost :p

So, whatever the problems you have
I suggest you to believe in yourself that someday you will get everything you need, better than everything you want. I know I know its supposed to be extra-gift if you get everything what you need like what you want.
Do your best, honey!
Your life is already precious when you were born.
Tee-hee

21st ( yeaaaaay!)

Hi-yeom
Assalamu'alaikum dearest reader, whoever, wherever, whenever read this post ~lol *high confident*
I wish you had a great days, for every your life times. I'd really wish for you guys =]

So, its been so while ever since I left this blog of mine.
Don't ask me about the last post, because I have to scroll down first, to get back my lost-precious-blog posts. Literally HA HA

Yep. Its my brand new age.
The way who I am for 20 years ago, I'd still remember how good life's was.
But now, I lost for another age, going to have new one.tee-hee

I would really like to give my biggest sincerity thankfull to those who I really can't live without;
1. My GOD, My ALLAH SWT, My EVERYTHING
Thought YOU'd probably knew what kind of me, I really can't just say thankyou very bery much.
YOUR waaaay toooo kind to every seconds in my life.
PRECIOUS Forever and ever. :')

2. My Parents, My brothers
GOD, please promise to me that YOU'll make them even happier than what I've or I will get.
Take a very special care for them, I trust YOU a lot. Just please, can't YOU? :(

3. My Bestfriends, my Friends
I know that I've already knew I can't complete my life with just a slice of plain white paper to my precious life. Thankyou GOD for letting me having a loooot of angels surrounds me.
*the very best long-lasting friends: Karina, Eky, Danur, Nuraini, tiwi, Amy, Mia, Ana, Shandy, Rina, Pipoy,Wuri.
They gave me soooo much wether its direct or indirect lecture of problem solving for me to be better and stronger Person ever. They're my best. Please make sure they have what I have, erase all their sadness.
Thankyou for accepting me the way-devil-as I am.hahahaha sorry for troubling you guys too much! But I sincerely love all of you! :*

*the very bery best college Friends:
Para Ondooooos; icha, mega, annas (whota delicious cakeeeeee) I love youuu guys :*
With my very first college friends; Nadya + Novi
With my supporting friends whom I asked for help the most: Emil, Puput, Safira(hey hbd to you too), Besba, Adieb (trusted kpop fan! XD), Gege,Panji, Shindy moraa :D, and my ibs choir-mate :p

*for the last precious, but not least:
Mba Nares, Mba icha, Nisa+mas bowo, de Fauzan, Iam, Aki, Ka Ayu, ugrh sorry if I didn't remember another names for a while. Hiksss

OH! My Coach: Youji-Yeje...The most fourth-dimentional person I've ever met -_-"
YES thankyou for ruining my sacrifice of the day through the whole dancing movements and training for keeping me remmember what supposed to be my passion, which is dancing.
I knew, that all-that-hurting-sharp-words are for me. To Motivate me, keeping me holding on to my own words.
Thanks to you too that you deserve to see my very first crying scene to a man. Heol~
Gue tau je, kalo lo udah tau tipe seperti apa gue. Jadi lo ancurin itu tembok dengan kalimat lo yang ini--->"Gue bakal lebih keras dan cerewet lagi ke elo mulai dari hari ini (17/10/2012), karna gue sayang dan care sama lo, untuk ngebuat lo berubah. Lo itu bukannya ga bisa, tapi passion lo belom cukup untuk jadi dancer professional. Seorang Dancer yang tampil harus melakukan gerakan apapun, seperfect apapun. Penonton ga peduli lo secape apa, punya masalah apa, tapi di panggung just show your true identity as a person.dancing is all about honesty"

Its hard to be you to have a student like me, isn't it?
Thankyou je for letting me keep improving, and fighting till the end.
I'm afraid, I will loose you.
I'm afraid, that someday I will do silly things and at the end, I might broke our "teacher-student" relationship become strangers.
I do not want that the most. You knew it,right?

OVERALL.... All I can see through the life will be much harder than before. I have to be strong, I have to be more thankfull for what I've got now and then..

My Journey has only begun :)

Not a really bad day

wassup
so yeah, i don't know how to say this. but let me tell you about what i've learned last night.
*sigh*

Lately, i was wondering how thankful i am because of GOD's love.
its much getting greater. yeah its awesome, and i just can't stop say ALHAMDULILLAH enough.
So, yesterday i went to my classmates from elementary school. which is its been a long time ago, i didn't get a chance to meet them.
the three of us really had our own schedule. so yeah i'm really excited to meet them.

2:00p.m one of my friend (called ami) picked me up to go to Dinda's house.
and we started simply talked aboutour life.
then we reached dinda's home and when we got there, we saw her parents.
yes its aunt n uncle's Jacob. don't tell me you do remember Jacob because of twillight?lol
no no, they're pretty human. i mean they are really a normal human.*lame*
its great to see them live a happily life and in a good health condition

after that, her parents told us to go upstairs and just enter dinda's room
three of us really had a good time, spent our time like this was really hard.
we did talk, laugh, even tried nail-art and makeup things

after our girlish things done, there was blankout accident, so amy and i decided to go back home
so this is the point.
when we're on our way, may bag's got mugged
2seconds i was like "astaghfirullah al azim"
then amy saw it, and we screamed as loud as we can to get help catch that thiefs.
its 2 people riding motorbike, and one another being a fake helper for us.sh*t.
unfortunately, we couldn't catch it. because i'm pretty sure they got another way.
so my bag's(*cough* my mom's bag) and my wallet was gone

then, i called my parents to know about our condition.
its a good thing we are fine.
i don't give a damn if my wallet n bag got stollen, but i really wish the thief somewhat will get traffic accident, then die.
i've asked amy to rest awhile, besides i went to police's office to report that incident what i've got, then we both went home.

NB: TO WOMAN EVERYWHERE YOU ARE, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A SAFE RIDE. DON'T FORGOT TO STAY FOCUSS TO YOUR BAG, SURROUNDINGS, AND PLEASE BE AWARE!

I used to... yesterday

I'd never have a thought of missing you by the time has been gone.
yes, its you..for the first when i used to love you more than me.
the name whom i often say in my pray who i used to love...
you're comeback to me
why?
why you'd choose to know about me,
to care about me,
what i'm doing nowadays, and everything that you had been missing.
even thought i know you will denied it, you're just came right after me.

you know what?
the hardest thing what i mostly did yesterday, was to disappear?
i've been hiding all my fears, to let you know that i'm fine

11years ago...
did you remember what i've said?

"i want to be a doctor."
then you said, "its a good thing! what about me? i guess i want to be a pilot"
i doubt it "don't you also think you will be awesome if you were a doctor?"

have you ever wondered what my pray's like for you?

GOD you can hear me, don't YOU?
let's grant for his wish to become what he wants

different steps after we graduated from junior high school made me insecured.
you've changed a lot eversince we graduated. you forgot about me.
you didn't want to talk, replied my message, answered my call.
by then, i realized that you're not part of me never again.

that was not the end... i've tried so many things just to know how've you been lately.
and such a waste, that i found out you're engaged to another girl.
I used to think about you day & night, while studying for being a doctor just for you?
that was the worst day for the first time of my life!
a lil girl had a brokenheart.
its a cliche to write down in a story lines.
words can't express what it was really like. i'm not sure, that i didn't cry. LOL afterwards, i decided to forget about you.

we are a college student right now.
i've changed my mind for become a doctor, to enter economic banker faculty.
thanks to technology inovations, we were reunited again.
by that i know that you're entering medical university.
funny to find out about that, that supposed to be me, right? LOL
at first, i'm just a part of member.
i didn't even know that you were there too. and you've added my contact at night, and i saw it in the next day, right after i opened my eyes. why did you have to comeback? i know i'm such a hypocrite not to mention how happy i was.. but, i've determined. not to even try for once to love you.again.
i'm leaving.
goodbye memories =]
its nice to ever had you once, yesterday...

should I?

Dear My Beloved GOD,
why should i feel ashamed to look at myself while i'm watching over myself in the mirror?
that woman over there is looking down!
with an empty soul, she's still dancing on her behalf along with the music played
the tears started to fall, yeah she's crying now.
crying because of her weakness,
her failures,
scared to hurt others.
oh My GOD, what's wrong?

YOUR way that you lead me to, am i too far to following it?
why did i have to scream to myself?
feels like i'm not going to where i have belong to!
but can't i just say i'm tired enough and i'm surrender?
i knew it, i've promised a couple of times that i won't do that.

*sigh*
really i am scared

meringkuk

Maybe I'm too young to learn how to fly,
Maybe I'm just a kid inside,
Maybe I'm just hate to know that I'm growing old,
Maybe I'm just worried too much...

I wonder who is he?

Assalamu'alaikum!
Ga tau kenapa sebelum log in ke blogger ide buat nulis itu rasanya sampe pengen pecahin kepala saking banyaknya, eh pas log in ke blog itu rasanya nihil Щ(ºДºщ)

Oke kali ini, sebelum lupa...mari kita nge blog :)
Jadi begini...
Belakangan, lagi sering banget mimpi orang yang ga dikenal
Dan anehnya, dari beberapa mimpi yang ada, orangnya itu-itu terus..
Terakhir di mimpi si orang yang dimimpi itu bener-bener ngelindungin banget, perhatian, pinter, slengek-an...
Tapi kok mimpi yang ini berasa nyata banget

Semacam meraga sukma ke masa depan
But, yeah those dream were only mean to be sweet dream.
I don't know yet, when will it happen, with who..
Cuma yaa makasih banget udah ngingetin di mimpi kalo masa depan itu ga perlu di buru-buru,
Ikutin alur yang ada :)

how precious you are

i would like to say thank you for those important role in my Life:

#1 MY GOD, My ALLAH SWT



tanpa berkah dan nikmat yang SELALU ENGKAU berikan, aku tak akan berarti.
hidupku, matiku... hanya milikMU

#2 FAMILY



Kalian-lah yang mengajariku bagaimana menjadi MANUSIA DEWASA
Ibu & Bapak yang selalu memberikan kasih sayang nya sepanjang waktu
Kakak & Adik yang selalu memberikan bantuan dan ilmu yang bermanfaat

#3 BEST FRIENDS:

Karina Detri Amalia
Nuraini Andhyka Sari
Qintha Arleta