Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I used to... yesterday

I'd never have a thought of missing you by the time has been gone.
yes, its you..for the first when i used to love you more than me.
the name whom i often say in my pray who i used to love...
you're comeback to me
why you'd choose to know about me,
to care about me,
what i'm doing nowadays, and everything that you had been missing.
even thought i know you will denied it, you're just came right after me.

you know what?
the hardest thing what i mostly did yesterday, was to disappear?
i've been hiding all my fears, to let you know that i'm fine

11years ago...
did you remember what i've said?
"i want to be a doctor."
then you said, "its a good thing! what about me? i guess i want to be a pilot"
i doubt it "don't you also think you will be awesome if you were a doctor?"

have you ever wondered what my pray's like for you?

GOD you can hear me, don't YOU?
let's grant for his wish to become what he wants

different steps after we graduated from junior high school made me insecured.
you've changed a lot eversince we graduated. you forgot about me.
you didn't want to talk, replied my message, answered my call.
by then, i realized that you're not part of me never again.

that was not the end... i've tried so many things just to know how've you been lately.
and such a waste, that i found out you're engaged to another girl.
I used to think about you day & night, while studying for being a doctor just for you?
that was the worst day for the first time of my life!
a lil girl had a brokenheart.
its a cliche to write down in a story lines.
words can't express what it was really like. i'm not sure, that i didn't cry. LOL afterwards, i decided to forget about you.

we are a college student right now.
i've changed my mind for become a doctor, to enter economic banker faculty.
thanks to technology inovations, we were reunited again.
by that i know that you're entering medical university.
funny to find out about that, that supposed to be me, right? LOL
at first, i'm just a part of member.
i didn't even know that you were there too. and you've added my contact at night, and i saw it in the next day, right after i opened my eyes. why did you have to comeback? i know i'm such a hypocrite not to mention how happy i was.. but, i've determined. not to even try for once to love you.again.
i'm leaving.
goodbye memories =]
its nice to ever had you once, yesterday...

should I?

Dear My Beloved GOD,
why should i feel ashamed to look at myself while i'm watching over myself in the mirror?
that woman over there is looking down!
with an empty soul, she's still dancing on her behalf along with the music played
the tears started to fall, yeah she's crying now.
crying because of her weakness,
her failures,
scared to hurt others.
oh My GOD, what's wrong?

YOUR way that you lead me to, am i too far to following it?
why did i have to scream to myself?
feels like i'm not going to where i have belong to!
but can't i just say i'm tired enough and i'm surrender?
i knew it, i've promised a couple of times that i won't do that.

really i am scared