hard to trust

Hi-yeom! Its me :)
What's up?

Aaaah 2012 will be officially end soon!
I don't know, but for sure I'm thankful for everything happened on this year.
The year I'd finally tried to start dance class again, where it belongs to one of my passions.
The year that my long-awaited-dream came true.
The year that HAD a LOT of spectacles!

I'm thankful that I could stand still here to continue my life.
I really mean it, GOD. I love you.

Oh btw, udah pernah cerita tentang nomer asing?
Yep, kemaren nambah satu nomer lagi (ketiga kalinya) ngehubungin gue.
Dia telvon, tetapi sama kayak kemaren cuma diem aja.
You're right, I'm curious.

Jadi setelah itu, minta bantuan ka icha buat misscall ke nomer itu.
Ka icha bilang yg ngangkat telvon suara Ibu dengan logat jawa yang medok.
I'm not believing it. Karena waktu nomer kedua, yg ngangkat telvon masih muda, dan cewe.(Around 20's maybe)
Sms lah ke itu nomer,
Dari ketikannya, gue yakin itu cowo

Jadi karena masih ga bisa percaya kalo yg punya nomer itu cewe/ibu2, gue yg telvon.
Diangkat... Suaranya fix laki2

Me: halo.. Maaf ini siapa ya?
X: hm? Ini siapa? Ini alvin *sambil ketawa ringan*
Me: oh Alvin.. Iyan nya ada?
X: iyannya ga ada tuh

I don't know.
My brain couldn't think anyone else except him.
Nuy bilang, iya itu dia kok. Cuma kalo penasaran tanya aja ada perlu apa

Then I've sent one msg
Me: "kalo ada perlu kasihtau aja, kali ada yg bisa dibantu."
X: "aku mau game"

Ah ga ngerti apa maunya,
Yang jelas ga enak di teror kayak gitu :(
Misalkan orang itu adalah satu nama yg gue pikirin, kenapa ga berani buat ngungkap dia siapa?

Even if its him, why its hard to trust that it was actually really him?
What's wrong? :(

hi there!

Hi-yeom! What's up? :)
Jadi ceritanya Desember udah mau habis nih.hihihi
Suka-atau-ngga nya di bulan ini, itu relatif.
Mungkin karena hujan, let's say I love it!

It doesn't matter to me anyways. LOL
Oh, I really am curious about something..
Jadi belakangan ini, ada 2 nomer asing yang telvon ke hp. Don't asked me who, because I don't know it either.
Lebih tepatnya, menunggu untuk tau itu siapa.
Entah itu siapa
Entah itu alasan kenapa dia bisa tau
Entah itu alasan ada apa

Berawal dari hari Jumat kemaren,
Dimana semua orang ramai (well, media sih) dan ribut karena ramalan mau kiamat.. I went to PIM with nuy

Then got stuck, YES its superduper WORST Trafic jam ever!!!!!
Someone called me.
Gue kira, itu adalah dosen yang membawa berita bahwa gue kurang nilai tugas, atau pak supir taksi yg mau jemput (atas permintaan) tp ga ada respon,
Jadi itu bukan orang yang gue kenal.satupun.

Dia telvon, misscall tepatnya
Tapi dia diem, dan samar-samar bilang "diangkat, diangkat"
Dan tut...tut...tut putus sodara2 -____-"
I've sent texted, "ini siapa?"
No replied.

Di telvon balikpun, ga diangkat..
Nuy said that it was him. Mindblowing fact that I did thought it was really him.
But I've ignored it, denied to myself it wasn't him.

Kemaren, satu nomer baru masuk lagi...
Dia telvon, tapi ga bersuara..
Berhubung lagi pules tidur, yaudalah diemin aja.

I've just wondered, "ada apa?"
Mungkin, lebih baik diemin aja sampai dia bosen.
Mungkin, lebih baik nunggu sampai dia yakin beneran mau ngomong..

Well, siapapun itu... I'm still waiting what's next.

X-letter

Dear you,
You've realized that I'm looking at you.
You knew it, didn't you? I wondered.
From my pov, you've watched me back.
you're finding more infos about me.
And try to learn about my world.
Or I'm just simply an idiot that hanging my daydream onto you.
I'm sorry

However, you don't hate me. At least for now.
feels like I'm a fool to you.
Aaaah~

Sorry, that's the word that I really wanted to say.
I know that I'm not capable to be with you.
I'm not brave, or strong, or smart. And I'm not beautiful at all.

I just wanted to see you,
hear your voice,
and miss your smile.

What can I do?
I'm scared that someday you'll find me and make you disappointed. 
I'm scared that someday, you'll just ignored me.
I'm scared that someday my feeling is grow stronger.
moreover, you'll be dissapointed.
After that, you'll hate me.
And just walk away, and forget me.